My weakest point throughout the essay was definitely comma splices. I didn’t even fully understand or realize what a comma splice is. I now understand that comma splice separate an independent clause from a dependent clause. After bringing this concern up to my writing tutor i learned that after the comma you need to add a word such as, (and, but, so) and if that doesn’t work, then simply end your sentence with a period.

These errors did not improve from first to final draft because I didn’t realize that was an ongoing error I had. My goal from here on out is to focus and be more consciousness of comma splices. See some examples of how I would fix comma splices from my first essay below.

Example 1.

Adversely, in South Africa, an organization called loveLife geared towards the youth, just focused on education around having safe sex, it rarely talked about HIV and prevention.

I would add, “…around having safe sex, BUT it rarely talked about HIV and prevention”.

Example 2.

 People need to realize that they are not alone, communication and the idea of social cohesion is the number one thing necessary to help raise awareness and help people with mental illnesses heal.

Here I would add, “…need to realize that they are not alone, AND communication in addition to the idea of social cohesion…”